By Maya Gottfried
When I set out to write the book Vegan Love: Dating and Partnering for the Cruelty-Free Gal, I wanted to include as many voices as possible. I sought to not be a guru, but to offer the experiences of many different people. In the process of writing the book I interviewed more than forty people about dating and partnering as a vegan, who shared with me what they had learned from their experiences. Here are some of the best words of wisdom on vegan dating, coupling, and marriage they shared with me.
Partnering with a fellow veg can offer comfort
In interviewing vegan Robyn L. for my book, she explained that having the core belief of veganism in common with her husband offers her comfort: “It’s a really reassuring thing to have whether or not you’re planning to have children—just to have shared ethics.” She adds, “I could never end up paired with somebody who’s homophobic or racist… speciesism is pretty profound.”
It takes more than sharing a veg lifestyle to make a match
Erica Kubersky, co-owner of world-famous vegan shoe store MooShoes (and married to a fellow vegan) offers that a veg lifestyle alone isn’t enough to make a good relationship. “There has to be more than that,” she says, explaining that veganism is not the only thing holding her and her husband together. “There definitely are aspects of our relationship that are equally important. It just goes back to the basic things—being compatible as far as humor and things we like to do,” she says.
You should never feel you have to apologize for who you are
Says Grammy-nominated vegan musician Carolyn Malachi, “If you feel that you have to apologize for your life choice to the person you’re going out on a date with, then you need to cancel the date, because you should be dating someone who respects your decision, and somebody who wants to be part of your life because they want to add to it, not detract from it.”
Raising a child vegan may be easier if your partner shares your ethics
Says Aimee C. about having a husband who is also vegan, “We are on the same page when it comes to all of the family drama around Thanksgiving or Christmas or what [family] are serving… There’s only one message our children are hearing… It’s one voice, it’s one philosophy, and it’s how we define our home, our family, our lifestyle… this is how we raise our family and live our lives. It’s really nice.”
Having a vegan wedding is a great way to spread vegan love
Reflecting on her experiences having a vegan wedding with wife Olivia N., Marie N. shares, “Make it special and different,” so that guests will have fond memories that might influence their thoughts about veganism in a positive way. Says Jaya B. about her wedding with vegan husband, Christopher, “Our compassionate beliefs are based in love. Thus, a vegan wedding is the ultimate celebration of love.”
Maya Gottfried is the author of Vegan Love: Dating and Partnering for the Cruelty-Free Gal (Skyhorse), and books for children including Our Farm: By the Animals of Farm Sanctuary (Knopf). Her articles have been published in outlets including VegNews, Lilith Magazine, Our Hen House, People online, and The Huffington Post.
We hope these ideas will help you make the most of your Veg Speed Date experience —and hopefully connect with someone wonderful! Find out where the next Veg Speed Date event is located and be sure to sign up in advance, as seats sell out early!